When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.
"Aren’t you… a damsel in distress?!
"I’m a damsel, I’m in distress, I can handle this. Have a nice day."
If I die first, and I almost certainly will, you will be my sole heir. There’s not much in the kitty, except a set of ivory-backed hairbrushes and my library of romantic poetry, but when the time comes, these will be yours. Along with whatever we haven’t already spent on whores and whiskey.
Lewis Buzbee, The Yellow-Lighted Bookshop